Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Attune IN

Sometimes your child shows you what they can't yet say through a drawing, a game, or a story they keep coming back to.

I'm joined by ⁠Professor Dominik Havsteen-Franklin⁠, art therapist and Vice President of the ⁠European Federation of Art Therapy⁠, to talk about play as the language children use before words, and what changes when a parent picks up a pen and joins in.

Dominik is Professor of Practice (Arts Therapies) at Brunel University London, where he leads research on the role of the arts in wellbeing and resilience, including a large-scale NIHR-funded trial on arts therapies. He continues to practise as an art psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in the NHS.

We talk about the line game, a drawing exercise Dominik uses with his own children, Edward Tronick's still face research on how parents and infants find each other, and what happens when a child's play becomes the way they make sense of what's hard to say.

We also get into:

• Drawing each other's portraits: what eye contact does that small talk can't
• Why a child's play often returns to the moment just before something difficult
• Bessel van der Kolk on feelings that get stuck, and where Dominik thinks they go next
• Dominik on the unconscious as a language we don't yet speak fluently
• Why drawing "in your own way" matters more than drawing it 'right'

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent or practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

The mid-morning slump. The after-school raid on the biscuit tin. The snappiness before dinner. How much of it starts on the plate?

I'm joined by ⁠Tina Lond-Caulk⁠, known to many as The Nutrition Guru, to talk about the link between food and mood and how what our children eat shapes the way they feel, focus and sleep.

A registered nutritionist (BSc Hons) with 25 years' experience across Harley Street practices and the Lanserhof clinic, Tina is the Bloomsbury bestselling author of ⁠Eat Well and Feel Great⁠ and founder of the nationwide Food for Life schools programme, speaking to tens of thousands of students a year. We talk about the gut-brain connection, why the after-school slump often has more to do with breakfast than you'd think, and how small, doable changes tend to land better than a big overhaul.

We also get into:

• The breakfast that decides whether a child hits the mid-morning wall
• How to spot an ultra-processed food on the packet without a nutrition degree
• Omega-3, the "smash fish", and what to do when your child won't touch oily fish
• What a night out does to a teenager's gut, sleep and developing brain, and how to raise it
• The "nip and flip", Tina's tool for helping a child talk back to their inner critic

This conversation explores nutritional science and its links to mood, focus and emotional wellbeing, and references research including the SMILES trial. These are discussed as emerging and evolving areas of science, not settled fact, and nothing in this episode constitutes clinical, medical or dietary advice. Supplements and dietary changes are not a substitute for professional care. If you have concerns about your child's diet, mood or a specific health condition, please consult your GP or a registered dietitian or qualified health professional.

Go deeper:

Attune IN®: connection science for parents. Self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3. Mental wellbeing for the long game.

Are you a parent looking for the science of connection? Or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation? Go to ⁠attunein.co.uk⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

"We're not born knowing how to parent well," says Professor Mick Cooper. "It's things we need to learn, like anything else."

I'm joined by ⁠Professor Mick Cooper⁠, chartered psychologist and father of four, to talk about the space between being too soft and too strict, and why landing there is harder than anyone lets on.

Mick is Professor of Counselling Psychology at the ⁠University of Roehampton⁠, a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, and an internationally recognised author whose books include "Working at Relational Depth in Counselling and Psychotherapy". Much of what he shares, he says, comes as much from raising his own children as from the research.

We talk about the three parenting styles and the authoritative-like middle, warm and loving while still holding boundaries; why unconditional acceptance doesn't mean no boundaries; and the difference between judging what a child does and judging who a child is.

We also get into:

• Bowlby's secure base, and why conveying love comes before everything else
• The quiet cost of casting one child as "the clever one" and another as "the fun one"
• The emotional work of accepting a path you didn't hope your child would take
• Thought traps, and why your child might take it from a therapist but not from you
• Emotional literacy as a life skill, and how early you can start

This conversation explores ideas from counselling and psychotherapy, including attachment theory, cognitive behavioural approaches to unhelpful thinking patterns, and the concept of defence mechanisms. These are offered as educational frameworks rather than clinical guidance, and are not presented as one-size-fits-all answers. Nothing in this episode constitutes clinical advice. If you are experiencing significant mental health difficulties, please consult your GP or a qualified mental health professional.

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent or practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠attunein.co.uk⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

Therapy is one hour a week. That leaves 167 hours where most people don't get support.

I'm joined by ⁠Lara Gregorio⁠, licensed clinical social worker with over 25 years in behavioural health and founder of ⁠4C Mental Health⁠, to talk about why community might be the missing piece in emotional wellbeing and how we teach our children to sit with their feelings rather than rush to fix them.

Lara shares how becoming a parent reshaped her understanding of support, and why a quote from a high school English teacher has guided her parenting more than her clinical training. We talk about the difference between allowing emotions and managing them, why children can't process boundaries when they're emotionally flooded, and the simple neurobiological tools that can help the whole family regulate.

We also get into:

• Why your child might have only heard you once, even though you've said it a hundred times
• The 90-second truth about every emotion, and what keeps it alive after that
• Connection before correction: why timing changes everything
• Quick regulation tools from DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) that any parent can use
• "Be the stick": a whitewater rafting metaphor for riding out emotional storms

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self-paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent/practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

Under stress, most of us don't parent the way we want to. We parent the way we were parented.

I'm joined by ⁠Dr Florian Ruths⁠, consultant psychiatrist and medical psychotherapist, to talk about schema therapy and what parents actually carry from their own childhoods into the moments that test them.

Florian is clinical lead of the ⁠Maudsley Medical Psychotherapy Service⁠ and co-leads the Maudsley Schema Therapy Service, where he is an accredited trainer, supervisor and practitioner in schema therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. He was London principal investigator on the international multicentre trial of group schema therapy published in ⁠JAMA Psychiatry in 2022⁠.

We talk about why parenting is an act of courage, the trap of unrelenting standards (what he calls "mission impossible"), and the simple reframe of kind limit setting: treating our children with the respect we'd extend to a neighbour.

We also get into:

• Why our default parenting mode shows up under stress, and how to notice it before it leads
• Why parenting is one thread in a child's story, not the whole story
• Unrelenting standards at work plus unrelenting standards at home
• How tone of voice and facial expression shape the inner voice a child carries
• Seeing our children as individuals, not extensions of us

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent/practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

Your child does something small and suddenly you're reacting in a voice you barely recognise. What set you off usually isn't what's in front of you.

I'm joined by ⁠Dr Abrar Hussain FRCPsych⁠, consultant psychiatrist and accredited cognitive analytical therapist, to talk about the iceberg behind your child's behaviour and how often what sits underneath points back to something in your own childhood.

Abrar leads a specialist NHS service for functional neurological disorders, is an EMDR Europe accredited practitioner, and is a co-architect of the model behind ⁠HOSA Institute⁠ (Nervous System Economy). He is course director for the London-based MRCPsych CASC programme and trains psychiatrists across the UK.

We talk about reciprocal roles from cognitive analytical therapy (CAT), the moments a parent's own childhood enters the room, and Abrar's framing of parenting as a relational gym: the place your own patterns get a chance to be met differently.

We also get into:

• "Authentic self" versus "defence": Abrar on when a child's anger is one or the other
• "Core pain" in CAT, and the moment a parent's deeper hurt gets activated by a child's small refusal
• The 8 Cs of Self in Internal Family Systems, and why there are "no bad parts"
• Abrar's pause-and-breathe practice for the moments that catch you off guard at home
• Why the most useful preparation for parenthood starts with you

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent or practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

In this episode, I'm joined by ⁠Lou Lebentz⁠, founder of ⁠The Voyage®⁠, to talk about trauma, how it lives in the nervous system, and the impact it can have on the way we connect with our children.

Lou breaks down the four aspects of trauma, from the events we can name to the things we absorbed without realising; and explains why almost everyone is carrying some form of stress or trauma. We talk about the different sides of ourselves that show up in new parents and when we're parenting. We cover what it takes to feel regulated alongside your child, and why guilt doesn't belong in the conversation.

We also get into:

• Safety, feeling seen, and feeling soothed: what every child (and adult) needs
• The traffic light system: green, amber, red, and what happens to connection in each
• Why your social engagement system switches off when you're activated
• Boundaries that land vs boundaries that don't
• The difference between guilt and responsibility

Get Connected:

• ⁠⁠Connect on LinkedIn⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠Follow on Instagram⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠Attune IN⁠®⁠

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent or practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

I'm joined by ⁠Natasha Silver Bell⁠, founder and CEO of SilverBell Global, to talk about creating a calm home and why the work starts with the parent's own rhythm.

Natasha is a mother of three and leads SilverBell Global's family-centred care programmes including LifeTeams, Care Navigation Plans, and the annual East Meets West restoration retreat at Castle Ashby.

She is co-founder of ⁠Youth Prevention Mentors⁠ and Inservice Foundation, ambassador for Partnership to End Addiction, and Vice President of NCADD/Westchester's board.

We talk about "slow down, where's the fire?", the hidden "what about me" that sits under most morning rushes, and why giving a child ownership of their homework belongs in the same practice as giving them a quiet hallway when they come through the door.

We also get into:

• Why the calm in the home starts with the parent who walks in first
• Child-led afternoons: when children set the terms of the hour after school
• A memory from her daughter's primary school years that changed how she comes home now
• Autonomic wellbeing in the family living room, from ⁠Deb Dana⁠'s work
• Why "failure to launch" gets the direction of the problem wrong

Go Deeper:

Attune In® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune In program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠attunein.co.uk⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify

In this episode, I'm joined by ⁠Parven Kaur⁠, founder of Kids N Clicks, to talk about the digital play date and the questions worth asking before you hand your child a screen.

Parven holds an MSc in Corporate Governance from the London School of Economics. She founded Kids N Clicks in 2018, and her work has been recognised as a Digital Pioneer by the ⁠Scottish Council for Voluntary Organisations⁠ and as a digital parenting expert by ⁠Internet Matters⁠. Edinburgh-based, she works with schools, charities and families on practical online safety.

You'd ask careful questions before sending your child on a play date in someone else's house. Parven Kaur thinks the same questions apply when you hand them a tablet.

We talk about the soft-play test for any new app, why the ⁠Internet Watch Foundation⁠ finds most online harm to children happens in their own bedroom, and the two-question filter Parven thinks takes most of the fear out of letting a child online: is there an addictive algorithm, and can strangers chat with them?

We also get into:

• The "soft-play test": when to stay in the app with your child and when to sit on the side
• Router-level parental controls and the UK providers that switch them off by default
• The question Parven asks her daughter about adults' phone use
• The phone box at dinner, and why it matters as much as what's said over the meal
• When screens are how a child explores the world vs when they're how a child escapes it

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent/practitioner looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

Today, I'm joined by ⁠Dr Danielle Einstein⁠, Vice President of ⁠AGASA⁠, clinical psychologist, author of ⁠Raising Anxiety⁠, researcher and founder of ⁠The Dip⁠, to talk about why screens act as an avoid magnet for young people and what parents can do about it at home.

Danielle is an adjunct fellow at Macquarie University with three decades of research into how technology shapes emotional wellbeing in young people. She provided critical evidence at the Australian Parliament's Senate Inquiry into social media age legislation and has since briefed members of the UK and New Zealand parliaments.

We talk about technoference, why the addictive pull of devices is biological, not a character flaw, why both parents need to agree before making changes, and movements like Smartphone Free Childhood that are helping families make the shift together.

We also get into:

• Why boredom is a good starting point for connection and confidence
• The "avoid magnet" effect: how a phone in the pocket stops a young person from learning they're OK
• Why shaming a teenager about screen use backfires, and what to do instead
• Smartphone free childhood: why changing norms works better than changing one family at a time

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ for more info.

Originally published on Spotify.

Originally published on Spotify.

It doesn't matter how well-read or well-intentioned we are. Staying attuned and connected with our children, all the time, is surprisingly hard.

Welcome to Attune In®, connection science for parents. I'm Gauri, the founder, and in this clip I share my journey from working in psychiatry and psychotherapy to raising 3 children of my own. And why I built Attune In®, a digital platform of videos, coaching tools and exercises, alongside this podcast, to bring evidence-based insights on parent-child connection to every parent.

Across the pod series I'm joined by consultant psychiatrists, medical psychotherapists and professors of psychology, who are also parents themselves. We talk about attunement, emotional connection, and the little steps that help children feel they matter.

In this trailer:

• Why staying connected is hard for even the most well-read parent
• The "inner scaffolding" children can lean on when times get tough
• How parents can feel less alone, and less judged
• Why connection starts with topping up your own emotional reserve
• What it means to attune in, before you can attune to your child

Get Connected:

• ⁠⁠⁠Connect on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠⁠Attune IN⁠

Go Deeper:

Attune IN® delivers connection science education for busy parents.

The Attune IN program provides self paced guidance by a psychiatrist turned educator and mum of 3.

If you are a parent looking for the science of connection, or an employer wanting to support working parents in your organisation, visit ⁠⁠⁠attunein.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ for more info.