Explorez tous les épisodes du podcast Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/.

Two weeks after the last argument, you are having it again. Different trigger, same fight, same ending. In this episode, Alastair explains why the argument was never about the thing you were arguing about, and shows you the pattern running underneath it.

If you keep having the same fight in different clothes, if your partner goes quiet and withdraws after you have spoken to them, or if your kids tiptoe around you after a row, you will recognise this pattern.

You will learn the three roles people fall into when conflict starts: the persecutor who blames and criticises, the victim who feels powerless and deflects responsibility, and the rescuer who smooths things over and stops the real issue being addressed.

The pattern has a name, the Drama Triangle. The part most people miss is that nobody stays in one role. Alastair walks through one argument over a burnt dinner where a husband and wife switch through all three roles in minutes, and both go to bed feeling like the victim. He also gives you the one question that starts to break the cycle: not what role were they in, but what role was I in?

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, improve healthy conflict resolution, repair relationships after arguments, and create calmer, happier homes.

Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/.

You know you should stay calm. You promise yourself you will. Then something happens and you are already shouting before you have decided to. In this episode, Alastair explains why controlling your anger is not one big act of willpower, but three small skills most people have never been shown.

If your anger feels like a switch that flips out of nowhere, if your jaw tightens or your voice changes without you noticing, or if you only realise you have lost your temper once the damage is done, you are not alone.

You will learn three practical skills you can start using this week: how to recognise your early warning signs of anger, why slowing down for one or two seconds changes a conversation, and how knowing your anger triggers lets you prepare instead of react.

Alastair shares the two-word technique one client used to force a pause, starting his next sentence with "I think" or "I feel". His wife noticed the difference within weeks. You will also hear about a dad whose anger felt like it came from nowhere, until he learned to spot his shoulders creeping up and his answers getting shorter.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, stay calm under pressure, manage anger triggers, and build calmer, happier relationships.

Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Is anger creating distance in your marriage? Maybe your partner has started walking on eggshells around you, conversations keep turning into arguments, or you feel like you're drifting further apart despite wanting things to be different.

In this episode, I share five practical steps you can take today to start repairing your relationship. You'll learn how to take responsibility without blaming yourself, communicate instead of making assumptions, listen in a way that rebuilds trust, reconnect with your partner, and stop small disagreements from becoming major conflicts.

You'll discover:

• Why taking responsibility is the first step toward rebuilding trust.
• How assumptions quietly create unnecessary conflict in relationships.
• The listening skill that can completely change the way you and your partner communicate.
• Why making intentional time for your marriage matters more than you think.
• One simple question that can stop unnecessary arguments before they cause lasting damage.

If your anger is hurting your marriage, this episode will give you practical tools to strengthen your relationship, improve communication, and begin creating a calmer, happier home.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever found yourself thinking: "Maybe this is just who I am?". If you've tried to control your anger before and slipped back into old patterns, you're not alone. It's one of the biggest reasons people stop believing lasting change is possible.

In this special episode, I share the stories of 10 real people who once believed they were too far gone to change. They'd spent years making promises, apologizing after angry outbursts, and wondering if things would ever be different. Today, they're calmer, happier, and rebuilding the relationships that matter most.

You'll discover:

• Why self-doubt keeps so many people trapped in the anger cycle.
• What changed for these 10 men and women—and why their progress happened faster than they expected.
• How learning practical anger management skills transformed their marriages, families, and daily lives.
• Why lasting change comes from following a structured process, not relying on willpower alone.

If you've started believing your anger is simply part of who you are, let these stories remind you that change is possible, and that it's never too late to begin.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind.

In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control.

You'll learn:

• What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior.
• Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face.
• When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships.
• The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work.
• Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you.

If you've been told you have an anger problem (or you've started asking yourself that question) this episode will help you understand what's really happening and show you where to begin.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever wondered why your anger seems to take over before you even realise what's happening? The truth is, there is a brief moment when you still have a choice - and what you do in that moment can change everything.

In this episode, I share three simple strategies you can use before anger takes over. You'll learn how to recognise your body's early warning signs, ask one powerful question that interrupts angry reactions and shift your focus in a way that can transform your conversations and your relationships.

You'll discover:

• How to recognise the physical warning signs that anger is building.
• The one question that helps stop anger before it escalates.
• Why curiosity is more powerful than defensiveness during conflict.
• How these simple habits can strengthen your marriage, improve family relationships, and help you stay calm under pressure.

If you've ever found yourself wondering, "How did I lose my temper again?" this episode will give you practical tools to interrupt the anger cycle before it turns into another argument.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever been told "Don't take it personally"? It's advice almost everyone has heard - but almost nobody explains how to do it.

The truth is, taking things personally isn't a character flaw or a sign you're too sensitive. It's a pattern. And once you understand why it happens, you can stop reacting defensively, handle criticism more calmly, and build stronger, healthier relationships.

In this episode, I explain why people take things personally and share two simple principles that can change the way you respond when someone criticises you, snaps at you or says something that hurts. You'll hear real stories from clients who learned to stop assuming every comment was a personal attack, communicate more effectively, and create calmer relationships at work and at home.

We'll explore:

• Why most criticism says more about the other person than it does about you.
• How to tell the difference between a personal attack and feedback that's worth listening to.
• Why getting defensive keeps you stuck - and what to do instead.
• Practical ways to build emotional control, reduce anger, and respond with confidence under pressure.

If you often replay conversations in your head, feel hurt by criticism, or struggle not to take things personally, this episode will give you practical tools you can start using today.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and build calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

One Christmas, Michael's daughter finally told him what decades of uncontrolled anger had done to their family. Eighteen months later, his life (and his relationships) look very different.

For years, Michael believed everyone else was the problem. He could control his temper at work, but at home his wife and daughter experienced a very different side of him. After a painful Christmas conversation and weeks of follow-up emails from his daughter, he reached a point where he knew something had to change.

In this episode, Michael shares how he learned to take responsibility for his anger instead of blaming other people, why controlling anger turned out to be easier than he expected, and how lasting change comes from understanding the real causes of anger rather than simply trying to suppress it.

We also talk about rebuilding trust after anger, repairing relationships that have been damaged over many years, and why personal change has to be driven by your own values—not by waiting for someone else to forgive or acknowledge you.

If you've ever wondered whether it's too late to change, whether your marriage can recover after years of anger, or whether your family can learn to trust you again, Michael's story offers hope, honesty, and practical insight.

The Anger Management Podcast helps men gain control of destructive anger before it damages their marriage, family, and future. Each episode explores anger management, anger control, emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and practical strategies that create calmer, happier, and more connected lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Most people think anger management is about calming down after they've already lost control. But if that's all you're focusing on, you're missing the bigger picture.

Lasting anger control isn't built on a single technique. It's built on a set of principles that change how you think about anger, responsibility, communication and self-control. In this episode, I share the 10 rules I've taught clients for more than 30 years to help them gain lasting control over their anger.

You'll learn why awareness is the foundation of anger management, how your thoughts create your emotional reactions, why anger and aggressive behavior are not the same thing, and how taking responsibility for your actions builds stronger relationships. I also explain the tension scale, the importance of listening skills, and why seeking to understand is often more powerful than trying to win an argument.

Whether you've struggled with anger for years or simply want better tools for handling frustration, these 10 rules provide a practical framework you can start applying immediately.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you started feeling more like housemates than partners?

Most relationships don't fall apart because of one big event. They drift apart slowly through dozens of small moments of disconnection. The good news is that the same process can work in reverse.

In this episode, I share Dr. John Gottman's research-backed "Magic Six Hours" framework and the seven simple habits that help couples rebuild connection, intimacy and trust. You'll learn why small daily interactions matter more than grand romantic gestures, how to create meaningful moments of connection throughout the week and the habits that help couples stay emotionally close even during busy seasons of life.

We explore practical strategies including better daily check-ins, expressing appreciation, physical affection, quality time, stress-reducing conversations and weekly relationship reviews that prevent small problems from becoming major sources of resentment.

If you feel like you and your partner have gradually grown apart, this episode will show you how small, consistent actions can help you reconnect and strengthen your relationship.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Why do the same arguments keep happening over and over again?

Whether it's your partner, your children, a colleague or even a stranger in traffic, recurring anger isn't random. The same situations keep triggering you because of the way you're interpreting them. And until that changes, the pattern usually continues.

In this episode, I share three powerful mindset shifts that can help you break the cycle. You'll learn how practicing acceptance reduces frustration, why empathy softens anger and improves relationships, and how maintaining perspective helps you stop turning small issues into major conflicts.

Through real-world examples and practical strategies, you'll discover how to respond differently to the situations that repeatedly push your buttons. These aren't quick fixes, but they are proven skills that can dramatically reduce anger and help you create calmer, healthier relationships.

If you're tired of having the same argument again and again, this episode will help you understand what's really driving the pattern - and what to do about it.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Your partner is upset. You want to help. But somehow, everything you say seems to make things worse.

The problem usually isn't that you don't care. It's that most people were never taught what their partner actually needs in those moments. Before advice, reassurance or solutions can help, your partner needs to feel understood.

In this episode, I share four simple communication skills that can transform difficult conversations. You'll learn how to use minimal encouragers to show you're listening, ask questions that deepen connection, reflect back what you've heard so your partner feels understood, and use positive feedback to create emotional safety.

These skills may sound simple, but they can dramatically improve communication, reduce conflict, and help your partner feel supported instead of dismissed. They're also some of the most effective tools I teach couples who want to strengthen their relationship and feel closer to each other.

If you've ever wondered what to say when your partner is upset, this episode will give you a practical step-by-step approach you can start using today.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

If you've ever promised yourself that this time would be different - only to find yourself losing your temper again a few weeks later- you're not alone.

The problem usually isn't a lack of commitment. It's that most people have never been taught the skills that actually help them control anger. In this episode, I explain why trying harder isn't enough and reveal the three essential skills that create lasting change.

You'll learn how to recognise your early warning signs before anger takes over, how positive self-talk and time-outs can stop escalation in the moment, and why changing the way you think about difficult situations is often the key to long-term anger control. I also explain how better communication and active listening help repair relationships and prevent recurring conflict.

If you've struggled with anger for years and started wondering whether real change is possible, this episode will show you why it is—and how to get started.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You've grown apart, but that doesn't mean your relationship is over.

Many couples still love each other deeply, yet find themselves feeling disconnected, stuck in the same arguments or simply coexisting rather than truly connecting. The good news is that emotional distance in relationships can be reversed when you focus on the right things.

In this episode, I explain the hidden reason many couples drift apart: unmanaged anger. You'll learn how anger creates defensiveness, fear and emotional walls that make genuine intimacy difficult. I also share two additional strategies that can dramatically improve your relationship: learning to truly listen and using Dr. John Gottman's "Magic Six Hours" approach to rebuild connection.

You'll discover why communication problems are often listening problems, how active listening can quickly change relationship dynamics, and the simple weekly habits that help couples feel close, connected, and understood again.

If you feel like you and your partner have grown apart, this episode will give you practical steps to start closing the distance today.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You can feel your anger building. Your jaw tightens. Your thoughts get sharper. You know where it's heading, but you don't know how to stop it.

In this episode, I share three practical techniques you can use when anger starts to rise: deep breathing, body scanning and mindful observation. These simple tools help you slow down, calm your nervous system, and create the space needed to make better decisions in difficult moments.

You'll learn why mindfulness is one of the most effective anger management skills available, how to recognise your body's early warning signs of anger, and what to do when your mind starts spiralling toward frustration, resentment or rage.

These techniques won't solve the deeper causes of anger on their own, but they can help you regain control in the moment and prevent small frustrations from turning into major conflicts.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Online anger management or face-to-face programs. Which one actually works better?

After running more than 2,000 face-to-face anger management groups, over 10,000 individual counseling sessions, and nearly a decade of online anger management training, I've seen firsthand what helps people create lasting change, and what causes them to lose momentum.

In this episode, I compare traditional face-to-face anger management programs with online programs, including the strengths and weaknesses of each approach. You'll learn why retention is often the biggest challenge in group-based programs, how repetition and self-paced learning accelerate progress, and why many people achieve better results when they can revisit lessons whenever they need to.

I also explain an overlooked benefit of online anger management: the ability for partners to learn together. When both people understand the same tools, language, and strategies, it can dramatically improve communication and reduce conflict at home.

If you're trying to decide between an online anger management program and a face-to-face course, this episode will help you choose the option that's most likely to work for your situation.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

If your anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to control it, the problem may not be your effort. It may be the mistakes that keep you trapped in the same anger cycle.

Most people approach anger management by focusing on what happens after they lose control. They try to stop the outbursts, suppress the emotion or avoid situations that trigger them. But lasting anger control comes from understanding why anger keeps returning in the first place.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down seven common mistakes that prevent people from making real progress with anger management. We explore why treating symptoms instead of the root cause keeps you stuck, why suppressing anger often makes things worse, and how blaming other people gives away your power.

You'll also learn how to identify the early warning signs of anger before it escalates, how negative self-talk fuels emotional reactions, why unrealistic expectations create unnecessary frustration and why trying to solve everything alone often slows progress.

The goal isn't to become someone who never feels angry. The goal is to understand what's driving your anger, develop healthier emotional responses, and gain the skills needed to stay in control when life doesn't go as planned. If you've ever wondered why anger keeps coming back despite your best efforts, this episode will help you identify what's really standing in the way.

The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.

Resources & Next Steps:

Book a free 30-minute phone call

Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be causing real problems in your life. Whether it is a short fuse that surprises even you, relationships where someone walks on eggshells, or a quiet part of you wondering if others might be right, this episode helps you look honestly at where you stand.

Rather than offering generic reassurance, Alastair walks through each sign with honesty and care, making clear that recognising the problem is not a weakness. It is the starting point for change.

And the good news is that most people do not need years of therapy to turn this around. They need the right tools and a willingness to look clearly at their patterns.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger itself is not the problem. The problem is when it gets expressed in ways that hurt you or the people around you. That is the line worth paying attention to.
• Your body often knows you are angry before your mind does. A clenched jaw, a racing heart, tension in your shoulders. Learning to read these signals early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it.
• Frequently regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal. If you are regularly apologising and wishing you could unsay things, your anger is getting ahead of you.
• The person holding a grudge suffers more than anyone else. Letting go is not about excusing what someone did. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying it.
• If someone in your life has told you that your anger is a problem, take it seriously. It takes courage to say that to someone. They risked your reaction because they care enough to try.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you recognised yourself in any of these seven signs, here is where to start:

• Take the free Anger Quiz
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Fiona, a small business owner and mother who came to him carrying anger rooted in childhood.

Whether it is anger with a partner who walks away mid-conversation, frustration at feeling unheard, or patterns that stretch back decades, Fiona's story will feel familiar to many listeners. In just seven weeks, she made changes significant enough that her husband noticed without being asked.

Rather than accepting that her past defined her future, Fiona focused on one question: what can she actually control?

Alastair walks through her journey, the tools that helped most and what her story means for anyone who feels stuck in the same cycles.

Key Takeaways:

• You cannot control how other people communicate, but you can control how you respond. That shift in focus is often where real change begins.
• Your tension scale is one of the most practical tools you have. Learning to notice where you are on it early gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.
• The thoughts and feelings model is not just theory. Once you understand that your thoughts shape your feelings, you can start to interrupt the pattern rather than being swept along by it.
• Change is possible even when the starting point is difficult. Fiona came from a background of violence and still made meaningful progress in seven weeks. Your history does not have to determine your future.
• And the good news is that the skills you build to manage anger with one person carry across into every area of your life. Fiona found the same tools helped her handle old family wounds surfacing in new situations.

Resources & Next Steps:

If Fiona's story sounds familiar and you are ready to start making changes of your own, here is where to begin:

• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most common and difficult situations people face: what to do when someone else completely loses it at you.

Whether it is a partner who blames you, a colleague who unloads or anyone who fires anger in your direction, Alastair walks through why the automatic reactions of firing back or shutting down both make things worse, and what to do instead.

Rather than offering vague advice about staying calm, Alastair shares five clear, practical strategies you can actually use in the moment.

And the good news is that none of these require the other person to change.

You only need to work on yourself.

Key Takeaways:

• Staying calm when someone loses their temper is not weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It is hard for someone to sustain rage when the person across from them is not feeding it.
• Most of the time, someone's anger is not really about you. They may be exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling, and you are simply the safe person they unload on. Reminding yourself of this creates distance from the heat.
• Anger is usually just the surface. Beneath it is almost always something softer, hurt, fear, or feeling unheard. When you respond to what is underneath rather than what is on top, everything shifts.
• A boundary is not a threat. It is a calm, clear statement of what you will and will not accept. Setting one without heat lands very differently than setting one while you are already escalated.
• Not all anger is the same. If what you are experiencing crosses into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, the strategies shared today are not enough on their own. Please reach out for real support.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you want to feel more in control the next time someone loses their temper at you, here is where to start.

• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the real reason your anger feels uncontrollable, and why the answer is rarely about the person or situation in front of you.

Whether it is a partner who says the wrong thing, a child who ignores you or a stranger who cuts you off in traffic, Alastair walks through why the same trigger can send you over the edge one day and barely register the next.

Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair shares three practical steps that build on each other and address the root of the problem, not just the surface.

And the good news is these are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.

Key Takeaways:

• Your anger is not caused by what happens to you. It is caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and the reaction changes with it.
• Your body knows you are angry before your mind does. Learning to notice your early warning signs, a tight jaw, a racing heart, a shift in your thoughts, gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.
• Beneath the surface of most anger is a rigid belief. Beliefs about fairness, respect, and what you deserve. Once you can see the belief clearly, you can begin to question it, and when the belief shifts, the pattern of anger shifts with it.
• Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. When someone feels truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversation becomes possible.
• These are skills, not fixed parts of who you are. With practice, catching anger earlier, examining your beliefs, and communicating calmly will all become more natural.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you are ready to understand what is really driving your anger and start making lasting changes, here is where to go next.

• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs tackles one of the most common and most painful patterns parents face: knowing your anger is a problem, trying to change and finding yourself right back where you started.

Whether you have made promises to your kids that didn't hold, tried parenting tips that worked for a week and then faded, or felt the shame of yelling again after genuinely trying not to, this episode is for you.

Rather than offering generic parenting advice, Alastair gets to the root of why the same triggers keep setting parents off and walks through practical, specific strategies that actually change the pattern.

And the good news is, this is not about willpower. Once you understand what is really driving your anger in those moments, everything becomes more manageable.

Key Takeaways:

• Your child's behaviour is rarely the real cause of your anger. On a good day, spilled cereal gets a calm response. On a hard day, it triggers an explosion. The difference is what is already happening inside you, not what your child did.
• Before you react, take ten seconds to ask yourself what you are actually feeling. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed about something else entirely. Getting honest about what is yours and what is theirs is the first step to real change.
• Vague rules create conflict. Kids need specifics, not instructions like "be good" or "don't interrupt." When you give them a clear action to take instead, there is far less room for the kind of friction that tips you over the edge.
• Catch your kids doing something right. Children get attention when they misbehave and silence when they behave well. Specific praise for good behaviour teaches them what to do, not just what to avoid, and makes cooperation more rewarding than conflict.
• Say how you feel, not what they are. Telling a child they are difficult or that they never listen teaches them something is wrong with them. An I statement focuses on your feelings and keeps the conversation open instead of shutting it down.
• Sometimes the person who needs the timeout is you. When you feel the heat rising and you are about to say something you will regret, stepping away and saying "I need a minute" is not weakness. It is emotional intelligence, and your kids will learn it by watching you do it.
• You do not have to figure this out alone. Seeking help for your anger is not a last resort. It is what parents who care the most tend to do. Understanding what is driving your anger makes the pattern far easier to change.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you are ready to stop yelling and start feeling calmer and more connected with your kids:

• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Matthew, a 32-year-old husband, stepfather and small business owner who came to the program eight weeks ago stuck in a cycle of explosive arguments with his wife.

Whether you bring frustration home from a long day and take it out on the people closest to you, or you know your anger needs to change but have not quite found the words for it yet, this conversation will feel familiar.

Rather than talking about anger in abstract terms, Matthew shares what actually shifted for him, from recognising where he sits on the tension scale before things escalate, to seeing his wife as a teammate rather than an opponent.

And the good news is, eight weeks was enough to start rebuilding the trust that anger had been quietly eroding.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger does not always look the way people expect. Matthew saw himself as a good husband and father. But frustration was building beneath the surface, and the people closest to him were bearing the brunt of it.
• When everything else is getting to you, it is easy to make your partner the enemy. Matthew's shift came when he stopped seeing his wife as the opponent and started seeing them as a team facing a common challenge together.
• Your thoughts do not have to become your actions. Matthew learned that having a difficult thought is not the problem. What matters is whether you act on it. Slowing down between the thought and the response is where real change begins.
• The Tension Scale is a practical tool, not a theory. Asking yourself where you are on the scale in the moment gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Matthew uses it daily, including in Auckland traffic.
• Writing things down makes the work stick. Matthew keeps a journal of his notes and progress. Seeing the changes on paper reinforces that the work is real, not just something that feels good in the moment.
• Short sessions throughout the day work better than one long sit-down. Matthew fits the course around a busy life in small pockets of time. That consistency, he says, is what keeps the tools fresh and usable when they are actually needed.
• Role modelling matters more than most fathers realise. Matthew is more open with his stepson about his own vulnerabilities than his father was with him. He wants his son to grow up knowing it is okay to feel things, and to have somewhere to take those feelings.

Resources & Next Steps:

If Matthew's story sounds familiar and you are ready to break the pattern:

• Book a FREE 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces the STOP model: a simple, four-step tool you can use anywhere, anytime, the moment you feel anger starting to rise. Whether it's your partner, a driver cutting you off or your kid doing that thing again, the window between feeling angry and acting on it is smaller than most people think. This episode is about how to use that window.

Rather than offering advice that only works when you're calm, Alastair walks through a practical tool designed specifically for the heat of the moment, and explains exactly why it works on a physiological level, not just a psychological one. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.

Key Takeaways:

• The moment between feeling angry and acting on it is where everything happens. Without a deliberate pause, you don't have a choice, you just react. The STOP model is how you create that pause.
• Slow, deep breathing isn't just calming advice, it's physiology. It activates your body's natural calming system and directly counteracts the stress response that anger triggers.
• Practicing deep breathing in low-stakes moments means the habit is already there when the pressure is really on. Don't wait until you're angry to try it for the first time.
• Observing your anger rather than acting on it creates distance between you and the feeling. You're no longer inside it. You're watching it. And that shift changes everything.
• The right question before you respond is: what is the most useful way to handle this right now? Reacting with anger is almost never the answer, even when you're right.
• A physical reminder: a sticky note, a card in your wallet, sounds almost too simple. But a visual cue in the right place at the right time can interrupt the automatic pattern before it starts.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three concrete steps for communicating more effectively with your partner, especially when things get heated. Whether you're the one who shuts down in an argument or the one who keeps pushing to be heard, the problem is rarely what's being said. It's how people are listening, and how they express themselves when the stakes feel high.

Rather than offering vague advice about being a better communicator, Alastair walks through three practical tools you can use in your next difficult conversation. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.

Key Takeaways:

• Most people think they're good listeners. Most people are wrong. In a tense conversation, the majority are just waiting for their turn to talk. Your partner can feel the difference.
• Active listening means being fully present. Not fixing, not advising, not preparing your response. Your only job is to understand what your partner is actually saying and feeling.
• Asking questions like "How did you feel about that?" or "Can you tell me more?" shifts a conversation from confrontational to collaborative. When people feel heard, the defensiveness drops.
• The DESC model gives you a four-part structure for expressing yourself without aggression: Describe the situation, Explain your feelings, Suggest what you'd like and give the positive Consequences of that solution.
• How you say something matters as much as what you say. The same concern delivered differently can either start a fight or start a real conversation.
• Effective negotiation means both people feel heard before any solution is proposed. A solution you've both shaped together is one you'll both actually follow through on.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support communicating more effectively and building calmer, more loving relationships:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most important questions in anger management: Why does that specific thing set you off? Whether it's a tone of voice, a passing comment or something so small you couldn't even explain it afterwards, your anger triggers are personal, patterned and almost always connected to something deeper than the moment itself.

Rather than offering generic advice about staying calm, Alastair walks through the most common triggers he's seen across 30 years of working with clients, and gives you four practical tools to start understanding and managing your own. And the good news is that once you can see your patterns clearly, you have something you didn't have before: Choice.

Key Takeaways:

• An anger trigger is like a button. When it gets pressed, the anger response fires almost automatically. But the button is yours, and you can learn to understand it.
• Anger triggers are deeply personal. What sends one person over the edge barely registers for someone else. The most common ones include feeling disrespected, experiencing injustice, having boundaries crossed, and feeling criticised or judged.
• Most triggers aren't really about what's happening in the moment. They're connected to something older: past experiences, deeper fears, wounds that never fully healed. That's why a small comment can land like a much bigger attack.
• Keeping an Anger Diary is one of the most powerful tools for understanding your patterns. Writing down what happened, who was involved and what you felt physically helps you see that it's not everything that triggers you: it's specific situations and specific feelings.
• Your anger doesn't arrive fully formed. There are always early warning signs: physical, emotional, mental. Learning to catch them early gives you a window to intervene before things escalate.
• Cognitive reframing means questioning the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Choosing a more balanced interpretation can dramatically reduce the intensity of what you feel.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support understanding your anger triggers and building calmer, more loving relationships:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs challenges the idea that anger is always the problem. Whether you've spent years trying to suppress your anger or you're someone who's watched it destroy the things that matter to you, this episode reframes what anger actually is, and what it can be when it's handled well.

Rather than treating anger as something to be eliminated, Alastair draws a clear line between healthy anger and unmanaged anger, and explains why that distinction changes everything. The goal isn't to feel less. It's to choose what you do with what you feel.

Key Takeaways:

• Anger isn't the enemy. Unmanaged anger is. Every emotion exists for a reason, and anger is no different. The question was never whether you'll feel it. It's what you do with it.
• Healthy anger is not suppression. Swallowing it down and pretending everything is fine isn't health. It's avoidance. Real healthy anger means expressing what you feel assertively, not aggressively.
• The pause before you respond is everything. Asking yourself "what is really bothering me here?" shifts you from reacting to choosing, and that shift changes the outcome entirely.
• Using "I statements" instead of accusations opens conversations rather than starting fights. "I felt hurt when my idea wasn't acknowledged" lands completely differently than "you stole my idea."
• Healthy anger is solution-focused, not victory-focused. The goal is to move forward together, not to prove you were right.
• Forgiveness isn't forgetting. It's refusing to let old anger live rent free in your head. Holding onto it almost always hurts you more than anyone else.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support managing your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the single most important factor in whether a relationship will thrive or fall apart: And it's not chemistry, compatibility or even love. Drawing on research from relationship psychology, Alastair explains why friendship is the foundation everything else is built on, and how it shapes the way couples handle conflict, criticism and the small friction of everyday life.

Rather than offering generic relationship advice, Alastair introduces two powerful concepts: Positive and Negative Sentiment Override. These explain why the exact same argument can feel like nothing in one relationship and everything in another. And the good news is, friendship is something you can choose to rebuild, starting today.

Key Takeaways:

• Research shows that only three out of ten couples who marry go on to have a genuinely happy, long-term relationship. The single factor that predicts success more than any other is whether each person sees their partner as their best friend.
• Positive Sentiment Override acts as a buffer. When the friendship is strong, small irritations don't land as attacks. You assume good intent and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
• Negative Sentiment Override flips that entirely. When the overall feeling in a relationship has turned negative, even a two-minute phone call can start a fight. It's not the event. It's the lens you're seeing it through.
• Letting your partner influence you is one of the most important friendship habits in a relationship. Making decisions that affect both of you without genuine, fair negotiation slowly erodes trust and connection.
• Expressing appreciation frequently matters more than most people realise. Negative interactions hit harder than positive ones, so the ratio needs to stay high: around five positive interactions for every one negative.
• Turning towards your partner in small everyday moments, laughing at their jokes, acknowledging what they say, validating their view, is what keeps friendship alive between the big conversations.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support building a calmer, stronger, more connected relationship:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through five practical steps for rebuilding a relationship after a separation caused by anger. Whether you're the one who's just watched your partner walk out, or you're months into a separation and wondering if there's any way back, this episode gives you a clear, honest roadmap for what comes next.

Rather than offering empty reassurances or quick fixes, Alastair is direct about what real reconciliation actually requires, from both people. And the good news is that when the work is done properly, what comes out the other side is often something stronger than what existed before.

Key Takeaways:

• Dealing with your anger has to come first. If anger isn't genuinely addressed, nothing else in the relationship can be repaired. Your partner knows it, and deep down, you probably do too.
• Accepting responsibility means understanding the full impact of your behavior on the people you love. Most people with anger issues don't realise how deep that impact goes until they stop and truly look.
• Letting your partner take the lead on when to reestablish contact is essential. Rushing this step often does more damage. Some couples wait months, and that's okay.
• Words alone won't rebuild trust. Your partner needs to see real evidence of change, consistently, in small unplanned moments over time — not just when things are easy.
• The goal isn't to go back to the relationship you had. It's to build something new, something that couldn't exist before because the work hadn't been done yet.

Resources & Next Steps:

If you'd like support rebuilding your relationship and managing your anger for good:

• Visit AngerSecrets.com
• Book a free 30-minute phone call
• Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Anger in a relationship doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. But without the right tools, the same arguments keep happening, the same damage keeps building — and eventually, something breaks. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares four practical things you can start doing this week to change the way anger shows up in your relationship.

In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through four key areas, from understanding your triggers to remembering you and your partner are on the same team, giving you a clear, actionable roadmap for lasting change.

Key Takeaways:

1. Understanding your anger triggers is the foundation. But without knowing what sets you off, those triggers run the show without you
2. Talking openly about issues before they build is the difference between a conversation and an explosion. A weekly relationship check-in is a simple tool that makes this possible
3. Stress and anger are directly linked. Managing your stress levels outside the relationship directly reduces conflict inside it
4. Most arguments feel like battles because we're trying to win. Shifting from "convince" to "understand" is where real resolution lives
5. Both people in a conflict have valid perspectives. Seeking to understand your partner's view almost always leads them to seek yours in return.

If anger has been damaging your relationship, this episode gives you four clear places to start, and the perspective to make them stick.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You're in the middle of an argument with your partner. Your heart is racing, things are escalating and you can feel it heading somewhere neither of you wants to go. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces one of the most important relationship skills you've probably never been taught - relationship repair.

In this solo episode, Alastair breaks down exactly what relationship repair is, why it matters and how to use it in the heat of the moment to stop conflict before it does lasting damage to your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

1. Relationship repair (a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman) is the ability to recognise when an argument is escalating and take steps to redirect it before real damage is done
2. The first skill is awareness: tuning into your own physical and emotional signals before things spiral
3. Reminding yourself that your relationship matters more than the argument is a mindset shift that changes everything
4. Repair attempts - a soft tone, an I-statement, a request for a break, even humour or a touch - can turn a conflict around in seconds
5. Accepting your partner's repair attempts is just as important as making your own
6. The goal isn't to never disagree. It's to disagree in a way that doesn't damage what you've built together

If conflict in your relationship keeps escalating further than it should, this episode gives you the tools to change that, starting with your very next argument.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever completely lost it over something small, a dish in the sink or a towel on the floor, and then felt embarrassed afterward because you knew, deep down, it wasn't really about the dish? In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why small things trigger such big reactions, and what you can do to stop it.

In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through the real reasons minor irritations escalate into major explosions and shares three practical tools to help you let go of the small stuff before it damages your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

1. Small triggers are rarely the real issue. They're usually the outlet for unspoken frustrations or unmet needs building underneath
2. An overdeveloped need for control can make minor disruptions feel catastrophic
3. Pausing before you respond, even for just a breath or two, creates the gap where self-control lives
4. Asking "will this matter in a year?" is a simple but powerful way to regain perspective in the moment
5. Practising gratitude regularly builds resilience and shrinks the power of daily irritations
6. Knowing what truly matters in life makes it easier to release what doesn't

If small things are costing you big arguments, this episode gives you the perspective shift and practical tools to start changing that today.

Links referenced in this episode:

-angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

-angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

-angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

You might think anger is your biggest relationship problem. You work hard on staying calm, bite your tongue, you try all the techniques. But while you're focused on not losing your temper, four quieter behaviors are slowly destroying your relationship.

In this episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy—and most couples don't even know they're doing them.

Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's decades of relationship research, Alastair walks you through what Gottman called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—the specific communication patterns that poison relationships over time. More importantly, he shows you the exact antidotes to each pattern and how controlling your anger is the key to breaking these destructive cycles before they kill your connection.

Key Takeaways:

1. Whether couples stay together or divorce isn't about how often they fight or even about anger—it's about four specific behaviors that quietly poison relationships over time.
2. Criticism attacks who your partner is as a person (not just what they did), sending the devastating message "I have a problem with who you are, not just what you've done."
3. Defensiveness escalates every conflict by turning discussions into fights about who's right—excuses, justifications, and counter-attacks prevent you from actually hearing your partner.
4. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce—eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, talking down to your partner, and communicating from a position of superiority all signal contempt.
5. Stonewalling (shutting down, silent treatment, walking out mid-conversation) makes your partner feel abandoned and creates distance faster than almost anything else.

If you've been working on your anger but your relationship still feels strained, this episode reveals the hidden patterns that might be doing the real damage—and exactly how to stop them.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Think about the last argument you had with your partner. It probably started innocently enough—just a conversation about their day, a decision you needed to make, something simple. But somewhere along the way, things went sideways.

You got defensive, they got frustrated and suddenly you were fighting. In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the real problem: you probably weren't listening.

After 30 years of observing couples communicate, Alastair has identified the exact pattern that turns ordinary conversations into arguments. More importantly, he shares the four active listening skills that will simply stop 90% of your conflicts before they even start. This isn't about being polite or nodding along—it's about preventing conflict at its source.

Key Takeaways:

1. Most arguments don't happen because of the topic being discussed—they happen because of how you're listening (or not listening).
2. Active listening is focused, attentive, and non-judgmental—you're fully present, making eye contact, and keeping the focus on your partner no matter what they say.
3. The fatal pattern: most people don't actually listen, they're just preparing their rebuttal, thinking about their own point, turning conversation into competition.
4. Minimal encouragers (simple sounds like "yes," "I see," "go on," or nodding) show your partner you're engaged and help them relax and open up.
5. Ask open-ended questions about feelings, not just facts—shift from "Did you have a good day?" to "How was your day?" and "How did that make you feel?"
6. Summarize or reframe what your partner said in your own words to validate their experience and build trust while avoiding defensiveness.
7. Give positive feedback with supportive phrases like "I can understand why you'd feel that way" or "That sounds really tough" to create a cycle of better communication.

If arguments keep erupting in your relationship and you can't figure out why, this episode gives you four simple but powerful skills to transform how you communicate and remove the competition, defensiveness and need to be right.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Why do most people who try to control their anger end up failing? It's not because they lack good intentions or because the techniques don't work. In this powerful solo episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the single most important step that separates those who successfully transform their lives from those who give up within weeks.

After 30 years of working with over 15,000 people, Alastair shares the one question that predicts success or failure with startling accuracy. Through raw, honest answers from real clients who've broken free from destructive anger patterns, you'll discover why clarity matters more than willpower, and how your "why" becomes the anchor that carries you through every hard moment ahead.

Key Takeaways:

1. The difference between success and failure isn't intelligence or willpower—it's clarity about why controlling your anger matters to you personally.
2. Vague answers like "I should" or "to be a better person" predict failure, while specific, emotionally honest answers predict success.
3. Powerful motivations include: saving your marriage, breaking generational cycles, protecting your children from fear, and refusing to become the parent you swore you'd never be.
4. People who succeed can answer "Why do you want to control your anger?" with emotional clarity and specificity—they know exactly what's at stake.
5. Your reason becomes your anchor: when everything in you wants to lash out, it reminds you what matters more than being right in that moment.
6. Change doesn't start with techniques—it starts with knowing your "why" and being brutally honest about the damage your anger is causing.

If you've been struggling to control your anger and can't figure out why nothing seems to stick, this episode will give you the missing piece that makes everything else work.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever been in a calm conversation that suddenly turns tense before you even realise what happened? In this powerful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores why defensiveness shows up so fast, how it quietly wrecks conversations and what you can do to stop it before conflict takes over.

Through a practical, real-world deep dive with AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah, you’ll learn how defensiveness isn’t a character flaw. It’s a reflex. And more importantly, how small, intentional shifts can transform arguments into moments of connection.

Key Takeaways:

1. Defensiveness is a reflex, not a flaw — it’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
2. Awareness is the first breakthrough: noticing physical cues like a tight jaw, racing thoughts, or chest tension gives you a chance to interrupt the reaction.
3. A three-second internal pause can stop conversations from collapsing into blame and escalation.
4. Partial responsibility — acknowledging even one valid point — helps the other person feel heard and instantly lowers conflict.
5. Empathy changes everything: most arguments aren’t about dishes, money, or timing — they’re about unmet emotional needs.
6. Long-term change happens when couples address communication patterns together, outside the heat of the moment.

If defensiveness has been sabotaging your conversations, especially with the people you care about most, this episode gives you practical tools you can start using immediately.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever said, “You made me angry” , and felt completely justified in the moment… only to be left with distance, regret and the sense that your anger is running your life?

In this powerful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs is joined by Jake and Sarah for a deep dive into one of the most important skills in anger management: taking responsibility.

You’ll learn why blaming others for your anger quietly gives away your power, why responsibility can feel so uncomfortable (and even frightening), and how owning your reactions is not weakness, but the single most empowering step you can take to change your relationships.

This episode doesn’t just explain why responsibility matters. It gives you a clear, practical three-step process you can start using immediately to regain control and break long-standing anger patterns.

Key Takeaways:

1. Blaming others for your anger feels natural — but it silently hands away your control.
2. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean excusing others or beating yourself up; it means owning your response.
3. Many people resist responsibility because of fear, family conditioning, entitlement, or shame — not because they’re “bad.”
4. Healthy guilt leads to change; shame keeps you stuck.
5. Real change happens through a clear three-step process:
6. Acknowledge your actions
7. Accept the consequences
8. Create a concrete plan for future change
9. Promises don’t change behaviour — plans and accountability do.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever realised your anger isn’t just affecting your relationship, but shaping the kind of parent you’re becoming?

In this powerful case-study episode, anger management expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Katie, a mother who recognised that long-standing anger patterns were beginning to impact her relationship and her child.

Despite trying therapy and in-person anger management, Katie still felt stuck, until she learned the right tools to manage anger in the moment it actually shows up.

Katie shares her journey of breaking generational anger patterns, rebuilding trust at home and making real change within weeks. Not through perfection, but through awareness, practical skills and consistent practice.

Key Takeaways:

1. Talking about anger isn’t the same as managing it. Real change comes from learning what to do in the moment when anger starts to rise.
2. Awareness is the turning point. Noticing early warning signs and using tools like the Tension Scale creates space to respond instead of react.
3. Breaking generational cycles is possible. Recognising how anger is passed down can become a powerful motivation for lasting change.
4. Progress isn’t linear — and that’s normal. Setbacks don’t mean failure; they’re part of building a new pattern.
5. Practical tools beat theory. Techniques like positive self-talk, early disengagement, and the Anger Diary helped Katie make measurable progress quickly.

Katie’s story is a reminder that you don’t need to eliminate anger — you need to learn how to work with it, early and effectively, before it causes damage.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever won an argument, only to walk away feeling tense, disconnected and strangely empty?

In this insightful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger management expert Alastair Duhs explores one surprisingly common habit that quietly destroys relationships: the need to be right.

Joined by AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah, this deep-dive conversation reveals how the urge to win arguments fuels anger, escalates conflict and slowly erodes trust and emotional safety, even in otherwise loving relationships.

Through real-world examples and practical strategies, this episode shows why being “right” often comes at a far higher cost than we realise.

Rather than focusing on blame or suppression, the discussion highlights a powerful alternative: choosing understanding over ego and calm over correctness.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeating arguments, defensive reactions or lingering resentment, this episode offers simple, practical shifts that can dramatically change how your conversations, and relationships, feel.

Key Takeaways:

1. The need to be right is one of the biggest hidden drivers of anger and relationship breakdown.
2. Winning an argument often makes the other person feel wrong. And that feeling damages trust.
3. Many arguments shift from problem-solving to ego defence without us realising it.
4. Catching the moment you start defending your ego is a crucial early warning sign.
5. Letting go of being right doesn’t mean giving up your values — it means choosing understanding.
6. Asking curious, open-ended questions lowers defensiveness and improves communication.
7. Prioritising calm over correctness reduces stress and creates safer, healthier relationships.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Do you ever feel like you’re having the same argument over and over again?

In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger management expert Alastair Duhs is joined by AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah to explore three essential relationship skills most people are never taught, yet desperately need.

This episode breaks down why conflict keeps repeating even in relationships where both people care, and why struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Instead it usually means no one ever taught you the right tools.

Drawing on over 30 years of real-world anger management experience, this conversation focuses on what actually helps couples reduce conflict, communicate more effectively and rebuild connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of frustration, defensiveness or emotional distance, this episode gives you clear, practical strategies you can start using immediately.

Key Takeaways:

1. Conflict isn’t the problem — how you handle it is what determines whether a relationship grows or erodes.
2. Trying to “win” arguments quietly destroys trust, connection and emotional safety over time.
3. Active listening means understanding first, not preparing your defence — and it changes everything.
4. Asking open, non-judgmental questions lowers defensiveness and invites real connection.
5. Healthy relationships require intentional maintenance, not just crisis management.
6. Small, consistent habits like quality time and appreciation matter far more than grand gestures.
7. Struggling in relationships often reflects a skills gap — not a personal failure.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Do you ever feel like your anger explodes out of nowhere? In this transformative episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs dives deep into why anger often feels instant and uncontrollable.

Through powerful insights and practical tools, you'll learn how to spot hidden tension, unlearn old habits and stay calm even in the most stressful moments.

Key Takeaways:

-Your anger isn’t sudden—it’s the result of hidden tension building throughout the day.

-Simple body cues like tight jaws and shallow breathing can help you spot anger early.

-Anger is often a learned habit, not a fixed personality trait—and habits can be changed.

-Cognitive reframing lets you swap out explosive thoughts for calmer, more helpful ones.

-Even in a heated moment, your brain has time to choose a new response—if you train it to.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Ever feel like your anger takes over before you even realise it’s happening? In this practical and encouraging episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares six simple but powerful tips to help you stay calm in the heat of the moment.

From spotting early warning signs of anger to using empathy, these tools will help you break old patterns and respond with calmness, not conflict.

Key Takeaways:

-Your body gives early signs of anger, like tension and quickened breath, that you can learn to recognise and manage.

-The real cause of anger isn’t what happens. It’s your thoughts about what happens.

-Using the “Tension Scale” helps you catch anger before it spirals out of control.

-Deep breathing, positive self-talk and short breaks can help defuse intense emotions.

-Empathy and Time-Out strategies are essential tools for handling conflict in relationships.

-Taking ownership of your anger empowers you to choose healthier responses, and create stronger, more respectful connections.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

If you know your anger is hurting your relationships, but you keep putting off getting help, this episode is for you.

In this eye-opening conversation, anger expert Alastair Duhs unpacks the five most common objections that stop people from taking action on their anger. Whether it’s fear, pride, doubt or simply feeling “too busy,” you’ll learn how to overcome the internal resistance that keeps you stuck - and discover why change is simpler and closer than you think.

Key Takeaways:

-Avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s fear. But naming that fear can take away its power.

-Believing you should “fix it on your own” is a trap—real strength is knowing when to ask for help.

-You’re not uniquely broken—anger follows a predictable pattern that can be changed with the right tools.

-Lasting change doesn’t require years of therapy—it often starts with 10 minutes a day and consistent effort.

-The cost of doing nothing—damaged relationships, missed opportunities and emotional pain—is far higher than the cost of change.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

What happens when the people you love start to fear your anger? In this deeply personal episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares Paul’s story - a father and partner whose uncontrolled anger nearly cost him everything.

Through honest reflection and powerful insights, Paul reveals how one simple tool helped him break the cycle of anger, communicate with compassion and rebuild trust with the people who matter most.

Key Takeaways:

-Anger is rarely random-it's often a buildup of stress, hurt and old emotional habits that go unexamined.

-Recognising physical warning signs like a pounding heart or tight chest can help you pause before you react.

-Awareness is the foundation for change-it allows you to step back and make conscious choices rather than defaulting to old patterns.

-Expressing sadness or hurt with calm words like “that comment hurt” can create connection instead of conflict.

Real change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that starts with one decision and builds through daily effort.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever felt like your anger comes out of nowhere? Like one small moment flips a switch and suddenly you're shouting or shutting down without knowing why?

In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down the truth about anger triggers - what they are, why they matter and how learning to recognise them can put you back in control of your anger, your relationships and your life.

Key Takeaways:

-Anger doesn’t strike randomly. It follows patterns based on personal emotional triggers and learned responses.

-Your body gives you early warning signs of anger, like a racing heart, clenched jaw or rising tension. If you learn to spot them, you can stay ahead of an anger outburst.

-Triggers don’t cause anger. Your thoughts about those triggers do. Shift your thinking and you shift your reaction.

-Tracking your triggers helps you see which situations set you off, and gives you the power to plan and respond more effectively.

-Managing your anger isn't about avoiding tough situations. It's about building the skills to respond with awareness instead of reactivity.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Break The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Many people think they don’t have an anger problem. They’re just “passionate,” “stressed” or “misunderstood.”

In this eye-opening episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs uncovers the four most common myths people believe about anger, revealing how these hidden stories keep you stuck in harmful patterns. If you’ve ever felt like anger is just part of who you are, this episode will give you the truth (and the tools) you need to finally break free.

Key Takeaways:

-Denying your anger doesn’t make it disappear. It forces it underground, where it damages your health and relationships.

-Anger isn’t something that just “happens” to you. It’s created by your thoughts about what’s going on around you.

-Blaming others for your anger gives away your power. Recognising that you create your emotions puts you back in control.

-Even lifelong anger can be changed with two core habits: noticing early warning signs and shifting the thoughts that fuel the fire.

-You don’t need years of therapy to see results. Most people can make a real shift in just 21 days of consistent practice.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Control Your Anger in 7 Days

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Does alcohol cause your anger outbursts? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the hidden (and often misunderstood) connection between alcohol and anger.

With honesty and compassion, Alastair reveals how drinking strips away your emotional guardrails, why it’s not the root of your anger and what you can do to stay in control, even in the heat of the moment.

Key Takeaways:

-Alcohol doesn’t cause anger—it amplifies what's already inside you.

-Drinking impairs the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for self-control and emotional regulation.

-Most people blame alcohol to avoid facing deeper emotional patterns, but real change starts with taking responsibility.

-Miscommunication and distorted perceptions are common when drinking, which often leads to explosive reactions.

-Setting drink limits, having an exit plan for conflict, and asking a trusted friend to support you can prevent blowups before they happen.

For some, the healthiest and safest path might be cutting out alcohol entirely to protect their relationships and emotional well-being.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever lost your temper and instantly regretted it?

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals three life-changing lessons that will help you stop letting anger win and start responding with clarity, calm and control.

Whether you’re just beginning your anger management journey or looking to deepen your self-awareness, these practical insights will show you how to break the cycle and build stronger relationships.

Key Takeaways:

-The first step to anger control is awareness—recognising the early warning signs before anger takes over.

-Anger feels powerful in the moment, but it rarely helps solve the problem and often leaves deeper damage behind.

-You create your anger through your thoughts and interpretations, which means you have the power to shift how you feel.

-Tools like cognitive reframing can help you respond more thoughtfully and constructively, even in high-stress situations.

-You are not a victim of your anger. You are the author of your reactions, and change starts with that realisation.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

What is anger, really? In this thought-provoking episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs joins Jake and Sarah to explore the emotion beneath the outbursts. Together, they unpack what anger truly is, why it takes over so fast and how understanding it can unlock the first step to real change.

If you’ve ever felt like your anger controls you, or wondered if it has to, this episode will change the way you think.

Key Takeaways:

-Anger isn’t your actions, it’s the emotion underneath. Understanding that difference is the key to breaking the anger cycle.

-Your thoughts and perceptions, not just the events themselves, are what trigger anger.

-Recognising early warning signs of anger and using tools like deep breathing can help you interrupt angry reactions in real time.

-Techniques like cognitive restructuring help shift how you interpret situations, reducing emotional intensity.

Managing anger isn’t about suppressing it. It’s about learning to channel it in constructive, respectful ways.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Every relationship has conflict. But it’s how you handle that conflict that determines whether it brings you closer or drives you apart.

In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three powerful relationship tools that can help you stay calm in the heat of the moment, understand your partner more deeply and build a connection that lasts.

If small issues often turn into big fights, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

-Conflict is natural, but disconnection doesn’t have to be. Anger expert Alastair Duhs explains how to transform arguments into opportunities for growth.

-Mastering the art of pausing when anger flares up can be the first step to stopping destructive cycles before they start.

-Shifting your mindset from “winning” the argument to “understanding” your partner builds trust and emotional safety.

-Regular positive connection, what Dr. John Gottman calls the “Magic Six Hours”, can make your relationship more resilient to stress and conflict.

-Emotional safety is built through small, consistent moments of appreciation, affection and real listening.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System